I know I'm supposed to be studying for Pharm, but I can't do that effectively until I get this off my chest.
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The rock is nursing school. The hard place is being a wife and a mother. [Or vice versa, it doesn't matter.] I have too much on my plate. No matter what I do, I seem to fall short somewhere, but if I jump to catch one spinning plate from falling, I seem to knock the other one off balance on my way over.
I can't not work hard at school. This isn't like high school, where all you do is show up and you get to be valedictorian. I'm working my butt off and I feel like I'm just barely hanging on. Puting forth less time and effort would mean giving up scholarships or even not passing Junior 1. I told my mother-in-law the other day that is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. "Harder than having a baby?" she retorted. Yes. I'll have lots more babies, but I won't ever do nursing school again.
So whilst I spin the school plate, what plate is tottering? Family. I feel like a terrible mother. I say that and everyone says, WHATEVER. Well guess what?! I get frustrated with Little Boy when I need to study but he wants to play. Then, I get frustrated with myself for being frustrated with him. It's not his fault. Then, when he's tired beyond belief but he doesn't want to go to sleep and he's fighting me and he pulls my hair and pinches my face, I raise my voice and tell him to quit. And then I cry because I shouldn't yell.
And then he finally falls asleep and I should do my studying for Pharm...that's why I was so frustrated that he wouldn't go to sleep, but instead I just pick up my spinning plates, throw them out the window and blog.
Time to glue the pieces back together and start spinning again.